Thoughts of a programmer, wanderer and frozen soul

I dreamed a dream in time gone by
When hope was high
And life worth living
I dreamed that love would never die
I dreamed that God would be forgiving
Then I was young and unafraid
And dreams were made and used and wasted
There was no ransom to be paid
No song unsung, no wine untasted

But the tigers come at night
With their voices soft as thunder
As they tear your hope apart
And they turn your dream to shame

And still I dream she’ll come to me
That we will live the years together
But there are dreams that cannot be
And there are storms we cannot weather

I had a dream my life would be
So different from this hell I’m living
So different now from what it seemed
Now life has killed the dream I dreamed

taken from Les Misérables

It’s been a long road
Gettin’ from there to here
It’s been a long time
But my time is finally near
And I will see my dream
Come alive at last
I will touch the sky
And they’re not gonna
Hold me down no more
No, they’re not gonna change my mind
‘Cause I’ve got faith of the heart
I’m going where my heart will take me
I’ve got faith to believe
I can do anything
I’ve got strength of the soul
And no one’s gonna bend or break me
I can reach any star
I’ve got faith

taken from Star Trek: Enterprise

Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn’t it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life…You give them a piece of you. They didn’t ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like smile at you, and then your life isn’t your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like ‘maybe we should be just friends’ turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It’s a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love. - Neil Gaiman

To embrace destiny, we must, inevitably, face those fears and conquer them.
Whether they come from the familiar…
or the unknown.

But when we deny our instinct…
and struggle against our deepest urges…
Uncertainty begins.
Where does this path lead?
When will the changes end?

Change is nature, the part that we can influence
And it starts when we decide

All we can do is having hope and faith
then there may still remain some glimmer of the life we once knew.

I can’t stand to fly
I’m not that naive
I’m just out to find
The better part of me

I’m more than a bird; I’m more than a plane
More than some pretty face beside a train
It’s not easy to be me

Wish that I could cry
Fall upon my knees
Find a way to lie
About a home I’ll never see

It may sound absurd; but don’t be naive
Even Heroes have the right to bleed
I may be disturbed; but won’t you conceed
Even Heroes have the right to dream
It’s not easy to be me

Up, up and away; away from me
It’s all right; You can all sleep sound tonight
I’m not crazy; or anything

I can’t stand to fly
I’m not that naive
Men weren’t meant to ride
With clouds between their knees

I’m only a man in a silly red sheet
Digging for kryptonite on this one way street
Only a man in a funny red sheet
Looking for special things inside of me

It’s not easy to be me

Sometimes questions are more powerful than answers.

How is this happening?
What are they?
Why them and not others?
Why now?
What does it all mean?

In the end what does it matter, when the human heart can only find a meaning the smallest of moments.

We all imagine ourselves the agents of our destiny, capable of determining our own fate.
But have we truly any choice in when we rise? or when we fall?
Or does a force larger than ourselves bid us our direction?
Does science point our way? or is it God who intervenes, keeping us safe?
The most important question of all, can we ever really change what we are?
Like the earth itself, it knows only the hard facts of life’s struggle with death.

Perhaps we’d be better off not looking at all.
Not dwelving, not yearning.
That’s not human nature, not the human heart.
That is not why we are here.

Maybe there’s a time when we should ask ourselves, whether we want a life of happiness or life of meaning… to be truly happy, one must live absolutely
in the present, no thought of what’s gone before and what lies ahead.
But for a life of meaning, they had to wallow in the past
and obsess about the future. And we just simply can’t choose both. (taken from Heroes)

Child of the wilderness
Born into emptiness
Learn to be lonely
Learn to find your way in darkness

Who will be there for you
Comfort and care for you
Learn to be lonely
Learn to be your one companion

Never dreamed out in the world
There are arms to hold you
You’ve always known your heart was on its own

So laugh in your loneliness
Child of the wilderness
Learn to Be lonely
Learn how to love life that is lived alone

Learn to be lonely
Life can be lived life can be loved alone

(taken from Phantom of the Opera)

A tiny flower is blooming inside my heart…
…the unwithering flower you gave to me
I don’t fear the things I believe in anymore…
…because I’ve become strong
I was happy meeting you…
…and proud of our holding hands
Even though we look up at different skies now…
…see, I can go on by myself

Kindness can be cruel sometimes…
…the longer I search, the more I lose sight of the answer
If you can see a rainbow over the city after a rain…
Let’s start walking as something is about to begin
because you’re here, and there’s tomorrow…
because we can’t live alone
I feel you so close by my side… isn’t it call love?
You know the pain of shedding numerous tears…
so let me search for this certain feeling in your eyes
because I want to find a smile
(taken from Full Metal Panic? Fumoffu)

Nothing permanent except change itself; we was born, grew up, meets people, knowing love, felt heartbroken and learned things as life teaches and each of us felt as the center of our own universe… humans are foolish, they believe what they want to believe, listen to what they want to listen and see what they want to see… and then they’re afraid of things hard for them to understand - what their ego called as anomaly…  yet life just goes on for everyone - or at least they thought so, quite often without really know where it’s heading to, just to become part of the world changes! or maybe they only lack the light to show the way

yes, it’s right Omnia mutantur, nos et mutamur in illis - everything change, and we change with them; but we always have the choices and doesn’t have to be the world’s way I guess…